Thursday, March 01, 2012

Alan and I went to a wedding last night for some theater friends of his. It was a very nice wedding in a converted Barn in Issaquah. There were sparkling silver trees at the front of the room, and mirrored tiles on blue tablecloths, with tea candles and tall candelabras or silver branches hung with crystals.

The ceremony itself was in the front of the room, followed by a vegan Thai spread. This was alright, though my poor Scottish husband ate only the jelly beans that were in packets on the tables (I thought jelly beans were taboo, too, for vegans). The only tricky business was that there were only napkins provided, and no silverware or plates for a lot of hors d'oeuvres that came with dipping sauces. I finally ate my cup-o-flavored-noodles, and used the empty cup for peanut sauce.

My favorite part was sitting in the ceremony and remembering our wedding, just over a year ago. Alan quipped to me, at the end of a fairly long religious ceremony - complete with mini-sermon, self-written vows, and unity sand-pouring demonstration - that we were on our honeymoon by now. Alan gave a shout-out to my bridesmaids, who took care of me during our reception, so I could sit and eat, wander the room saying hello to the guests, and not worry that my suitcase made it to Alan's car. Nice job Denise and Teri!

I'm so glad we got married. I've grown a lot, and am trying to be neater. I've gone up to a fairly high success rate of not leaving glasses around the house, and a lower success rate on getting them washed in a timely manner after transporting them to the sink.

That was funny, listening to their oh-so-very ambitious vows. Especially the bride, who made paragraphs of promises, and then promised that if she ever broke any of them, she would always come to him in repentance, seeking forgiveness. I sometimes wonder if this is the reason for the slightly higher divorce rate among Christian couples, as compared to the national average. The expectations of what your marriage will be, and who you will be to each other, and the amazing Spiritual journey you will both be going on together as a couple, can't possibly hold up to the reality.

I've had a great first year in my marriage. We've had fairly few arguments, and most of them handled productively, but mostly we've been learning how to balance spending time together often enough, with giving each other breathing room to still be ourselves, and busy, and stressed out a lot. We made three fairly pedestrian vows apiece, and I haven't mastered all of them. Neither has he. Cabinet doors I've mostly licked. (Yep! I just wandered through the house, and only by closet door in my workroom is open - and that room is fair game for me to be as cluttered as I like) Alan still drives 55 MPH in the left hand lane of the highway, and we've learned that if we have to get anywhere quickly, I drive.

I think there's something to be said for making promises that you can have a good success rate in keeping. Alan feels the most loved when he sees I've made an effort around the house. I feel the most loved when Alan remembers to ask if he can take me out for dinner, instead of saying that he wants to go out. Simple things, but it's taken almost a year to get here.

We were talking with some another friend about a couple that we know who broke up six months into their marriage last year. He mentioned that he thought the reason for it was the bride had a "Romeo and Juliet" idea about marriage, that didn't last the year. Alan and I agreed with him that, even a year in, things are better than a year ago, but different. Life is good!