Monday, March 31, 2003
Friday, March 28, 2003
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Teri did hit on something, so lest you think I'm just an overly critical flake, here are my list of reasons why I feel that I do not wish to stay at the church I'm currently attending.
1. Preaching that seems to go nowhere and say nothing.
2.Bible study that doesn't really study the Bible, but meets once a week to discuss everyone's rather hazy views on why they appreciate their faith, without any reference to Christ
3. Sunday school that is an interesting lecture series on icons, prayer mazes, and such, but something I could read about on my own.
4. Lack of Biblical foundation manifested throughout the church laiety -- to the point that most of the congregation cannot tell with any accuracy where to find any given book of the bible.
5. The Rector.
6. A general sense on my part that there should be more to church than church stuff. The focus on church should be to meet, and worship, and learn something that can be applied to daily life. Litergy is wonderful, community service is great, even socializing with other Christians are all good things, but it shoudln't be the only reason to be there. We don't go to church to feel better about ourselves for having done our good thing for the week, and then walk out without having been challenged to grow, to mature, to grow closer to God, to repent of the things in our life that are keeping us away from him, to become connected to God so that in turn we may minister to others. But to try think that you can do all of that church "stuff" without the basic foundation of a personal relationship with Christ is a serious waste of time and energy -- in fact it seems worse than nothing at all. It seems to me that a person is much better off doing no church stuff than calmly sitting year after year in a place where you're getting fed watered down pseudo-Christian mixed with the latest pop-psychology and motivational speaches where you'll never have the chance to even hear TRUTH, and never know the difference. After four years of it, I'm starving spiritually. I've loved the liturgy. I've loved the music. But I need someone to teach me something that I can't get out of a book, or by reading a commentary. Don't think I haven't tried to glean nutrition out of what St. Albans has to offer. I'm going to sunday school, to the rectors bible study, and to sunday every week on top of helping out with youth group (which is actually run by a Baptist, so we do get meat and potatoes there). But I'm still frustrated. I thought it was just me not trying hard enough to take advantage of opportunities that were being presented, or being so critical that I coudln't possibly get anything out of it. But then I went to another church for a sunday. And there it was -- truth, a good sermon, an application to daily life, a congregation seeking to do God's will, and that went out of its way to welcome a stranger. And It felt like coming home.
So it's not just me. And I'm not the only person on that church that feels the same way about it It's not a decision I've come to lightly, and I don't think anyone should leave a church "just 'cause." So there you have it...in an endlessly long tirade! Now I'm going to go practice....
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Sunday, March 23, 2003
I still have 4 songs to memorize by 12:30 tuesday. I was supposed to do it today. I've hit, however, a mental roadblock and can't force any more foreign words into my brain. Nope. Just not working. Certainly by tomorrow though!
Saturday, March 22, 2003
Friday, March 21, 2003
I have a new accompanist for my recital. Mine still didn't know my music, so I decided that I'm enough of a wreck myself without adding the pain of worrying whether my accompanist is ever going to get it. We parted company on good terms though. She's coming to my recital, and I'm going to hers. My new accompanist is charging reasonably atrocious rates for picking him up 5 days from my recital. I like working with him much better.
I'm going to a movie tonight. To get my mind off of all the upcoming. I've memorized my two songs for the day...so I can rest in piece. Tomorrow I'll get up, get a new hair cut, decide what to wear for the auditions, scream a little (that's warming up for the non-singing people) and then go. Turns out I'm singing in Jones Concert Hall (the big one) and not Meadows (a lecture hall really) like I'd thought. I've got to remember that my voice will carry better if I don't try to make it sound big...again, happy thoughts would be appreciated.
I'm bidding on my recital jewelry online, and some horrible lady has outbid me. I'm going to a movie and don't have time to watch it...maybe my parents would obblige me!
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Monday, March 17, 2003
Sunday, March 16, 2003
Saturday, March 15, 2003
Friday, March 14, 2003
In other news, 23 days until my recital. AHHHHHH!
Thursday, March 13, 2003
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
My goal in life is to develop the talents that God has given me to the fullest
possible extent, and to use them in a way that will allow others to see God in my life. I
intend to pursue a career as a professional opera singer. In the near future I would like to
audition for such programs as the Music Academy of the West and Seattle Opera’s Young
Artist Program. Baylor’s degree program will enable me to develop both my talents and
my faith into a cohesive whole.
In my observation Baylor has an excellent Vocal Performance Degree which will
prepare me academically as well as vocally. While I feel my time at Baylor has
significantly altered my voice, I need the extra two years to complete the transition from
my pop music background to trained classical singing. Also, in my family higher
education is a priority. Both of my parents are educators, and I would like to leave the
door open for the possibility of pursuing a doctorate down the road.
One thing that has been a great cause of concern is how little tolerance there is in
the performance world towards people with an active faith. As a Christian University,
Baylor encourages my beliefs rather than discourages them, as so many other reputable
degree programs would likely do.
I love to learn, and school comes easily to me. I enjoy researching and paper
writing, and relish any opportunity to gather information about my craft. As a graduate
student I intend to use my time gathering working knowledge of performance practice to
better my own singing. One class I’ve been looking forward to taking for four years is Dr.
Zeiss’ Opera Literature class, which in my four years at Baylor never fit into my schedule.
I’ve also been wanting to try my hand at composition, and would relish the opportunity to
lean from Baylor’s amazing faculty.
I believe that the Baylor School of Music is the perfect place for me to study
because it meshes seamlessly the serious study of music and the Christian Faith, a
background I will need once I venture out into the larger world of music.
Monday, March 10, 2003
Sunday, March 09, 2003
Saturday, March 08, 2003
So no more cleaning for the last few hours. I've got my grad school resume done. My application is filled out. Now all I have to do is write a page long essay of my goals and career. I can do it! I also took the time to decorate a couple of boxes, reorganize a cabinet, and clean my bathroom. I'll try tomorrow to get some of my recital stuff taken care of, and the last of my grad stuff mailed off. Oh please let it all go well!!!!
I went to Lowe's to try and find another type of organizer. Now that I'm committed to living in this apartment for the next couple of years, I need something done with the horrible closet conditions. And I found the perfect one -- I can fold my sweaters and put them on shelves that hang from my closet shelf! Oh so much space that clears up at the bottom. A few more of them and I should be in business. And then tonight I'm going to type my graduate entrance essay, finish typing it up...turn in my library books tomorrow, and then get a transcript on monday. Oh, and go talk to someone in the admissions office about a possible dual masters. We'll see how it goes.
I went to the store to get a hang up bag for my formals. I'm always worried that they're getting mangled. I also wanted to look at a can of paint to brighten up my little living room. So I found the bag, and then asked someone to mix the paint. It turned out that they had a can there that someone had not paid for in the exact color I wanted...for four dollars! YAY!!!!!!!!!! Oh that makes my little poor starving student heart happy! I'm off now to hopefully finish my room -- and maybe my bathroom. Then I have to take a break and finish my grad school applications! I'll keep updating!
Decided this morning that I will do all of my deep cleaning now since my family will be here in a month -- and though it sounds like a long time, I won't have time to REALLY clean anything after this week. So, I thought, yes -- K mart is going out of business...and all of their closet organisers are on sale. I will go and get some! But first -- I must make room in my closet to put an organiser! Yes. So currently the entire contents are spread all over my room -- on top of the previous mess. The top shelf looks lovely! Tha'ts all the progress I've made. And I'm trying to get rid of all clothes that I don't want to wear....quite a hassel. I never want to get rid of anything, but I haven't enough closet space...and I MIGHT wear something again. If I could only see it to know what I have to wear....so yes. I must get rid of stuff. I got rid of four pairs of shoes. That's quite a feat for me! Anyway -- I'm back to the room. Maybe I'll get my bedroom reorganised today. My deadline for the whole apartment is tuesday -- when Adrian is going to come over and help me paint my living room. I'll keep you updated
Friday, March 07, 2003
And speaking of missing it! There were some lost seagulls at the lake. They must have been heading for a coast some where, and true to form, the man didn't stop for directions. So Lake Waco is there new vacation paradise. "C'mon honey, just give it a chance! It looks way bigger from over here!" It was amusing -- not to the second bird though.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
This morning I woke up on time, and wound up running late -- go figure. I plugged in the iron, and decided that my new lamp would look much better behind my dining room table...so I tried to slide it behind without actually moving anything. And my table broke -- and fell -- with my sewing machine on it. The machine is fine.
Class was not bad except that I have a project due friday, and no time to do it except between shows tomorrow. But we don't have class. But we do have to slide it under his door before class time tomorrow morning. So I still have to wake up earl.
Choir -- always atrocious. I hate that class with a raving passion. I'm not a mezzo, and I'm singing alto. It was long, and boring, and we're singing bad music.
My coaching with Aslanian went well, and I had time to go to lunch beforehand and sit in the hall with my part-time "boyfriend." His fiance lets me babysit him while she's not around to keep her eye on him.On a bad note, I was relaying a funny "tenor" story to Chris, and VC heard me, and jumped all over my case for telling a story that wasn't true. It was -- I got it straight from Carol. But he gave me the "you know you're making that up" tone of voice, and then proceeded to tell my friends I was sitting with that things like that don't happen in the real world.
Italian was long. I was tired by then. I just wanted out.
AH and then for the fun part! My voice lesson. I walked in and VC asks who's next. The lesson was Adrian's, but since he coudln't come and my recital is pending, he said I could have it. VC started the first rampage. How can he just give lessons away like that? No one does that (actually its very common practice in the studio. We switch lessons about as often as we change socks.) Then for the next 15 minutes, everything I did was wrong. My singing was wrong (you used to be able to do this. Two years ago you had this down! Why can't you do it now?), my reactions were wrong, (What was wrong with that? Stretch? NO! BREATH. Now what was wrong with that? Um, breath? NO! STRETCH! What was wrong with THAT? Um........stretch? NO! BREATH! Now what was wrong this THAT? Um............I don't know? See! That's your problem. You don't pay attention when you sing! You should be paying attention. You need to think more! What's wrong with you today? Is this a bad day? You seem distracted. I can always tell when Rachel's going to have a bad lesson because she gets spacey.) Last week, by the way, the problem was that I was thinking too hard. You see my confusion. Anyway, thank God MY part of the lesson went well once my accompanist came in. But my mood was ruined. And I beat a hasty retreat. To go work with Glenn for another hour. He remembered hearing the "tenor story" before -- so See? It did happen! That's total today one hour of lessons, and two hours of coaching. I should practice some tonight, but I'm going to take a bath and go to bed. It is after all the night before three performances.
ANyway....being :Lent I suppose I should say something about giving things up. Which I am. But my day was so bad that I forgot to think of anything before I got to the service. So: upon post-service reflection I am going to give up: 1) being emotional in my lessons instead of clinical. 2) Looking to other people for my approval and self image instead of to God, who frankly, knows me better. I'm also working on 3) Some relationship issues that came up recently, and then I haven't decided what to take on. I already read my bible and pray daily (Yay new years resolutions) and I don't want to give up chocolate or sweets -- I haven't given up anything material in a long time. I've tried to give up character flaws for the past couple of years. Maybe I'll keep working on giving thanks for everything. Starting with my lesson this afternoon. That should take all night. I'm off to a bath
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city
church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.
"Well," said the farmer, "It was good. They did something different,
>however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns."
"Praise choruses," said his wife, "What are those?"
"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like hymns, only different," said the farmer.
"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.
The farmer said, "Well it's like this: If I were to say to you: 'Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well, that would be a hymn. If, on the other
hand, I were to say to you: 'Martha, Martha, Martha, Oh, Martha,
MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows, the
cows, the black and white cows, the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn,
in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, the CORN, CORN, CORN.'
Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well that
would be a praise chorus."
What is a Hymn?MA young, new Christian went to his local church usually, but one weekend attended a church in the city. He came home and his wife asked him how
"Well," said the young man, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs."
"Hymns," said his wife, "What are those?"
"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like regular songs, only different," said the young man.
"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.
The young man said, "Well it's like this: If I were to say to you, 'Martha, the cows are in the corn,' well that would be a regular song.
If, on the other hand, I were to say to you: 'Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear
thou my cry. Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth. Turn thou thy
whole wondrous ear by and by to the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.
For the way of the animals who can explain; There in their heads is no
shadow of sense. Hearkenest they in God's sun or his rain unless from the
mild, tempting corn they are fenced. Yea those cows in glad bovine,
rebellious delight,Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed. Then goaded
by minions of darkness and night, they all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn
have chewed. So look to that bright shining day by and by, where all foul corruptions
of earth are reborn, where no vicious animal makes my soul cry And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.'
"Then, if I were to do only verses 1, 3, and 4, and do a key change on
the last verse, well, that would be a hymn."
Monday, March 03, 2003
Sunday, March 02, 2003
Saturday, March 01, 2003
I saw my rector today. While we were rehearsing. They were having a bike race in Saledo and as we came back from lunch, here comes the rector of my church walking towards me in bike shorts sweating up a storm. That was interested. I've never seen her without a clerical collar on. She did recognise me after a bit -- of course she wasn't planning on seeing me there either. Then Mrs. Dr. VC stopped her to tell her about some friends of hers that had been going to St. Albans for years without ever being approached by a rector. Seems that Janne's going to search them out. yay!
Alright, I'm off to sew! Think happy thoughts in my direction. Where's the neosporin and a bandaid?