Thursday, June 27, 2002

I don't understand God some days. A long time ago He called me into service, but I took it the wrong way and ran. Now I've reached the point where I'm ready (I think) to hand it all back, and He's absolutely silent. What is He waiting for -- the rhetoric says "his own perfect timing." It's so frustrating somedays asking to be shown his will so I might follow it -- and getting nothing but silence on the other end. I love the story of Joseph. He spent most of his life in the dark -- literally and figuratively. In the end his faith outlasted the hardships. I wonder if mine is as strong. Nevermind, I know it isn't. I wonder if his was as strong as we imagine. Weren't there moments in the pit when he wondered what he'd done wrong to deserve this? He must have doubted. The only thing I can think is that God uses times of apparent silence to push our faith to new levels. Beyond the warm fuzzies that are easily forgotten when the week of camp ends and you're back to the daily grind. Is it a test to see how long we'll follow on blind faith? Or have I missed the nature of God entirely?