100% Zero Waste.....in one tiny corner of my bathroom!

I finally did it!

On March 19th of last year (I know this, because that's the day I ordered "Zero Waste Home" from abebooks.com. And if you've never heard of that book site - you need to get on it. It's the best place to order books from a nationwide collection of independent booksellers. Support local! And get really cheap books! Win-Win!), I began a journey into trying to lessen my impact on the world around me. It was part of a continuing process to go local, go organic, and stop buying things that were made at the expense of other people.

Zoning out already because I'm coming across as a left-wing, libtard? (Why in the current era can't we disagree with a viewpoint without instantly dropping into name calling? What are we, 7?) Here are just a couple of images that changed how I shop....

Here's what the Pearl River looks like after the dye from your denim gets dumped into it....

Here's a group of teenagers sewing your jeans

This kind of knowledge, once I started investigating, began altering my purchasing habits. Fair trade, shade grown coffee is expensive? But the alternative is the clear cutting of a rainforest, and the unnatural planting of coffee trees in full sun, requiring constant dousing with pesticides. Expensive coffee it is. The largest drain of water in California is the Dairy/Beef Industry? Alright, then my husband and I will share a cut of meat instead of buying two, and I'll purchase locally produced milk in glass bottles, which I use for cooking and lattes, but will drink water instead of milk the rest of the week. Birth control is making me fat and nauseated, (And it's starting to look like all of those hormones pouring into the local water supply is causing fish to spontaneously switch from male to female)...well, Fertility Awareness Method it is....no nasty hormones in my protesting body, and maybe I'm helping the environment a little, too.

So, since last March, I've been on a journey to be Zero Waste, as well. On reading the book, the main idea that stuck out for me was: You don't have to recycle stuff that you don't bring into your house in the first place.

Lightbulb.

So I began a process. Which sucked. It is SO difficult to be zero waste in a society that values the disposable. It is also difficult to find a store that won't treat you like a cuckoo bird for trying. But after about six months, I found two stores that will help me buy products in jars. I've found a bulk store that doesn't do tare weight, but I can take my bread bags in and purchase bulk that way. I found another store that will let me take in my bins that's biking distance. And I've tried to find DIY sites to help me make as many products as I can, without purchasing things in packaging.

And this week, I finally managed to go Zero Waste....in the shower.

That's right.

I know it seems like a very small victory. But this was a long haul and a lot of trial and error! After almost a year of trying, here's where I ended up:

Shampoo: Replace with Baking Soda (hella cheap!)
Conditioner: Replaced with Apple Cider Vinegar and Water
Body Wash: Replaced with a Bar of Soap and a Loofah
Face Wash: DIY recipe, in a jar with a foaming pump
Shaving: Shave mug with shave soap and a bristle brush for lather. Permanent handle with Dollar Shave heads. (Which ARE disposable, but as a straight razor and a strop isn't really realistic in the shower, all of the eco sites recommend using razors with changeable heads)

OOH! And I forgot to include - I throw a pitcher of water in the shower while the water is warming up, and use that clear, clean, potable water to refill my Brita reservoir, my tea kettle, and my espresso machine - DOUBLE WIN!!


Hair washing was the biggest obstacle. The DIY recipes were too heavy and greasy for my thick but fine hair. I did pretty well with the natural shampoos and conditioners, but they still left a bottle apiece to recycle. I tried refilling the bottles with the health food store bulk products on two occasions, but again - the formulas were too greasy for my hair. Finally, I read another article on going "No-(sham)Poo" - and decided to try it....and voila! 5 days later I have soft, squeaky clean hair! And no more bottles!

If anyone out there is thinking about trying to get closer to zero-waste (And it's a process - let me tell you. You have to find ways to make it work for your lifestyle.) Some things will get replaced fairly easily, some things will just be too much of a hassle for you - and you can't beat yourself up if you aren't 100% right away. I've been doing this for almost a year, and I'd still say I'm around 80% personally, but only 60% for the collective house, since my husband will pick up prepackaged food as a default. Give yourself a break on those few things that you can't bear to lose. Even though I try to shop local, I still purchase avocados, oranges and bananas. I can make a lot of snack foods, but my husband and I couldn't bear to lose potato chips. We're on the wait list to join the chip bag terracycle program.

If this is something that interests you, start small and let yourself grow naturally into more. Better to be happily discovering new things gradually than trying to go 100% in a week, and then losing interest because it's overwhelming. Any steps we as humans can take towards being better stewards of our home, and the other people in it who literally make our lives possible, is a good step. And it is SUCH a rush discovering each new thing that you can whip up with ingredients around your house instead of running to the store each and every time!!!

Opening 3 Shows in 2 Weeks.

Oy.

That is life right now.

I used to run at a breakneck pace ALL the time. I had 9 part-time jobs my first theater season in Seattle.

But then I became somewhat better paid. And I found a few side jobs that were fairly regular that paid the major bills. And I started working for better houses with more support (and stock, and reciprocal lending agreements with other theaters).

And I settled into a schedule that allowed for a little more breathing room, the occasional evening home. The occasional half-day of laundry and knitting. Going out for dinner with my husband, or sitting around binge watching Netflix series.

And this month, I've gotten a bit overbooked. Honestly it was because I had two small gigs, and then the Creme de la Creme Theater called and asked me to work for them - and of course I said yes. But then it was too late to drop the other gigs, and really tacky to do so, so I decided that I could do all three if I really scheduled well.

So here I am - doing fittings for three shows this week. 1st fittings were last night. They went off mostly without a hitch. I have a few more pieces to source, but nothing too earth shattering. Today I have to shop for show 3, which starts fittings tomorrow, and I have the first 2 fittings for show 2. I may try to go back down to show 1 and bring them some pieces, and collect the alterations - since my husband is in rehearsal tonight anyway.

What I didn't plan on is shows 4 and 5 of the New Year suddenly cranking it into high with pre-production. Suddenly there are meetings, emails filling my inbox, requests for measurements, and questions needing my attention. This is in addition to the 3 current shows that are also filling my inbox, scheduling meetings, etc.

And, because it ALWAYS happens - Banana Republic has suddenly been giving me 25+ pairs of pants per load. Since the recession, BR has dropped from the scheduled 25 pairs per week that I was hired to do, down to 1-3 pairs, if I'm lucky. Athleta, which offers free alterations is generally more stable, but this summer was very hot - and everyone was buying shorts and capris instead. Suddenly, both stores are cranking it into high - and I've been scrambling to find enough sewing hours to get those turned over - in addition to the builds I was doing for show #2.

So, I got smart. And hired a stitcher. A local costumer friend of mine happily took the last two dresses off my hands and will have them finished for me on Thursday. And hooray - I get a few minutes of quiet tv and knitting time after a 15+ hour days, instead of having to squeeze in a few more hours at the sewing machine.

Best decision ever.

So THAT'S why the bulk sections don't carry baking powder.....

Zero-Waste Shopping. It really is worth the effort.

Living up here in the PNW, I've really enjoyed the ease of recycling.

I've lived many places, and this is the most accessible. We have at home recycling (no need to sort - they prefer it all mixed together), compost/yard waste pickup, and lots of local businesses that recycle the things you can't put in the common recycling. Wine for Less will take old corks. Value Village will take any textiles in any condition, and your appliances and electronics. Styro-Recycling will take all forms of styrofoam, so I keep a bag to drop by them when I'm down shopping in that neighborhood.

Then, to add to the mix - Terracycle.com features company-driven recycling programs to take back the odd packaging and bottles. I collect items to send back to Tom's of Maine (all personal care packaging and bottles, toothpaste tubes and toothbrushes), Garnier (Makeup packaging and used compacts), Bic (pens, markers and highlighters), Brita (old water filters) and Mom's Cereal (Cereal box liners, and bulk cereal bags). It's a great resource - and they pay for your shipping labels!

But, I read "Zero-Waste Home" and watched a few youtube videos of other people trying to minimize their impact - and "Eureka," you don't have to recycle things that you never took in the first place.

What a concept!

It's taken me some time to get my "shopping kit" pulled together. Since I do a lot of my shopping via bike in the summer months, hauling around a lot of heavy glass jars isn't an option. I've looked at purchasing bulk bags on Etsy, and may do so in the future, but whipped up a few dry good bags for myself - but checkout people are a little suspicious of bags when they can't see the contents.

So with some trial and error, my shopping kit generally contains the following:

Zero Waste Shopping Bag Contents:
1 Large Burlap Carryall
1 Small collapsible bag
2-3 French Glass Jars with Flip Lids (great for the meat and deli counters - have them slap the sticker right on top)
1 Old Peanut Butter Jar (plastic)
1 Bag of old Bread Bags (turn them inside out, or the bar code will just keep scanning!)
1 Mesh Bag full of mesh produce bags
2 Paper Coffee Bean Bags (one for each store that I purchase beans - as they need the PLU scanning number to ring it in)
1 Ziplock Bag with bulk paper ties (I haven't found a good reusable alternative, so I try to reuse the twist ties as long as there is still room to write the bulk item number on them)


And you know what? My food may look a little funny as it comes floating down the checkstand, but it's exactly the same food as everyone else's. And after you get used to being the weirdo hippie chick purchasing items in strange containers - and thicken your skin a bit, because people will comment (either the checker or the person behind you in line), you realize - what does it matter if my bag is fresh, clear plastic right off the roll in the bulk section, or an inside-out bread bag - it does exactly the same job.

Here's my shopping from yesterday:
Coffee Beans, Quart of Milk, Jar of Hair Conditioner, Evaporated Cane Sugar, White Sugar and Salt

One thing I've been doing, is carrying around my baking powder jar trying to refill it. I've had NO luck. Not at the specialty spice stores, not at the grocery stores, not even at PCC. Something in the back of my brain was niggling at each location, thinking that it must be something whipped up from other ingredients, and that's why no one carries it. I mean, no one.

So, in the bulk section of the fanciest Hippy Grocery Store I could find, I looked up the recipe. And sure enough,

Baking Powder:
2 Tsp Cream of Tartar
1 Tsp Baking Soda
1 Tsp Corn Starch (optional, for clumping)



So there you have it, just another DIY skill learned - and another thing I don't have to buy prepackaged (but I will save my baking powder jar, 'cause I think it's cute).

I can see the future....and it involves knitting stockings....

So, I'm a little crafty. And in trying to find more ways to learn to make things instead of buying them, I have found loads of new skills to learn, recipes to try, and outlets for creativity that feel very "Little House."

One thing I ALWAYS wanted to do was knit socks. The highlight of my year is getting a new pair of socks from my Aunt Becky to add to my collection. Someday, I will have a sock drawer that looks like this:

Photo by Nanette via Ravelry.com

I also love to find knitted sweater dresses to wear as tunics over knit dresses and tights in the cooler winter months - Seattle doesn't really have a very hot summer or very cold winter most years, so my wardrobe only needs a few tweaks to take it from summer to winter.

I've been looking at patterns on ravelry, and I like a lot of them - but they're generally geared towards the modern style. I'm definitely a vintage girl....so I've been hesitant to start a new project that I'm not sure I will love.

And then, I discovered PDFs of Vintage Knitting Patterns on Etsy. My cart is full.

I can see the future - and it involved reproductions of 1950s crocheted dresses, and knit sweater tights and stockings!!!!! It's all so exciting! (I must finish the one pair of socks that I've been working on for over a year...so I can move on to something new and cooler!)

I mean, LOOK AT THESE!!!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/130386570/vintage-crochet-pattern-1950s-lacy

https://www.etsy.com/listing/187743765/1950s-afternoon-dress-cap-sleeve-in

https://www.etsy.com/listing/110189170/wwii-thigh-high-stockings-ribbed-with

Life is going to get very very crafty!!!

Making Yogurt - or, gosh - another thing that's ridiculously simple NOT to buy!

My husband really likes Yogurt.

I do as well, but I'm very basic. I like vanilla yogurt. Period. I like it with granola. I've tried other flavors, and liked a few, but I'm turned off by slimy gooey fruit-on-the-bottom cropping up in my perfectly smooth, yummy breakfast.

My boy likes all sorts of flavors, and I've been pleased at having something vaguely healthy that he'll eat. Normally I'm trying to hide vegetables underneath his meat. (To be fair, if I put vegetables on his plate, he will eat them all...leading to one unfortunate Brussel Sprout vs. Small, Intimate Theater episode that will go down in our marital history)

A lot of blogs and friends have said that making yogurt is so easy that one MUST try it at home. I didn't really have much of an opinion on yogurt - zero-waste wise. My toothbrushes are made from recycled yogurt cups, so it felt like a wash. But I found a really cool yogurt maker at Value Village, and had my husband give it to me for Christmas.



It turns out that mine is a 1974 Salton Yogurt Maker. What I like best about it, is it comes with 5 glass yogurt cups, with plastic lids (probably not BPA free, but they aren't being particularly warmed, so I'm not too concerned) - that are about the same size as a standard store-bought yogurt cup.



The approach is actually fairly simple.

4 C. Whole Milk (You can use 2% or Skim, but they won't make as thick a yogurt)
3 Tbsp Plain Yogurt (As a starter - after the first batch you can use your own yogurt)

Bring milk to 180 Degrees (just boiling), immediately cool to 120 degrees. If a film forms, remove. Add 1 cup of warm milk to Yogurt. Blend lightly. Add mixture to remaining warm milk. Pour equally into yogurt cups (or glass jars). Put in yogurt maker (Or surround jars with warm water - keep refreshing water every hour or so). Let sit undisturbed for 5-10 hours. The longer you leave them, the tangier the yogurt will be. Strain out the whey for Greek Yogurt.



I started mine at an odd hour, and had to get up at 2am to take my yogurt out of the warmer. I put them straight into the fridge, and this morning awoke to lovely, fully "gelled" plain yogurt.

Then, came the fun part! Choosing flavors!

Yesterday, I ate the remaining single serve tub of Greek Yogurt I'd purchased for my starter. I wanted to gauge what type of sweetener tasted good to me. So I did half with honey, and ate the other half with a little brown sugar sprinkled in. Both were yummy - I liked the flavor of the brown sugar more, but it was a touch grainy.

This morning, I looked up some various recipes, and discovered some things.

1. Adding sugar/flavored syrups to plain yogurt can break down the yogurt and make it very runny.
2. Adding frozen fruit to yogurt can water down the yogurt and make it very runny.

Basically, yogurt is a tricky little beast, and getting too tricksy with it can make very runny yogurt. Lots of women then were sharing tricks of adding gelatin and pudding powder, or kool aid mix, or lemonade powder - basically anything with some gelling agent to add flavor without watering the yogurt down. But then, for me, what is the point of going to all the effort of making your own, only to add a whole ton of artificial flavors, fillers, gelatin, etc.

But one lady had a really good idea. Add jam. It will add a little sweetener, a gelling agent, and you can mix in some whole fruit (defrosted) to add some heft.

So I mixed one Tbsp of jam with some tiny bits of chopped frozen fruit, nuked it for 30 seconds to warm the fruit a bit, allowed to cool, and spooned it onto the top of the yogurt. My boy can mix it when he eats it, it looks really pretty, and if he needs a little more sweetness than the jam offers, he can always add a bit more honey or sugar.

So, here is the final product!

Year End of 2015

This has been an interesting year. Many things have changed. Some things that I love to do have fallen by the wayside (like blogging, in a world with instant updates on the fly via Facebook)...some new opportunities have arisen from the ashes of some 'failures.' Here are a few things that meant a lot to me, as I look back over this year:

1. The Locavore Movement:



I didn't set out to be a foodie, or a hippie, or crazy leftist, or a hipster. But some serious reading on the subject of food production, as well as my own struggle to deal with my own weight gain (more on that later), led me to really look into food, how it's produced, what it does to your body, and what your body does with all of the additives, preservatives, pesticides, and genetic modifications that have been done to our food to make it pretty in the stores, and travel across the globe. Yes, there's a lot of hyperbole - and rhetoric. But the logical extension of following the money trail lead me to change how I shop and eat. Will I never eat a cheese-it again? No. But with more and more evidence that how we live isn't going to last much longer at the rate we are polluting our planet, and government agencies unable to effect change, I too will adopt the mantra to "Be the Change You Want to See in the World."

I will buy food locally, I will prepare much myself from scratch. And I've discovered a joy in doing so! I mean, let's be straight here, I've never been exactly undomestic - 4-H, Little House on the Prairie, and homeschooling set me up to succeed in the domestic arts. BUT, I am also well educated, well read, and a feminist. BUT - I think that we have choices now, and a working woman can also enjoy knitting. A career woman can come home and bake a cake if she wants to. And by jove, if either party wants to stay at home and start an Etsy store - by all means, lets do so! My generation grew up in the height of consumer culture. We've had BUY NOW screamed at us since birth. But all of my friends, in their varied ways, are discovering for themselves that making is more satisfying that buying. That putting our own hard work and love and sweat into our possessions makes them worth more than all of the mindless shopping in the world. We are enjoying the simpler pleasures, finding joy in cups of tea and nature walks, and realizing all of the money, and all of "success" doesn't actually bring happiness - and we're willing to explore living in the moment, and finding the small victories.

2. Zero Waste Shopping:



Hand in hand with the food production, is the amount of packaging that is used to make things attractive to us. It's been a challenge in our food-desert to find a grocery store, much less one with a good bulk section, or who will put deli meats in jars for me. But with a year of work (Thank you, Zero Waste Home, for warning me that the first six months are the hardest), I have finally cobbled together a set of stores that will accommodate me. Sadly, I don't have one single one-stop shopping location - but as I've tried to keep my food costs in check (though, I've allowed for costlier grocery bills with the change to organic), I've found that bulk foods really do offer the best value, as well as generally higher quality foods than their boxed counterparts. (Most bulk foods are organic, even if they aren't advertised as such). And, if I can manage to get there on my bike instead of in my car - then I can feel really smug!

I'm not at 100% yet. But I'd say I run about 80% on my own purchases, and 60% as a household. That's not a bad start for the first year out.

3. Biking!



Biking has been this year's best adventure! It began with a mixture of reasons. I had recently picked up a small waitressing job down the street from my house that was a little far to walk early in the morning, but hardly far enough to merit using a car to get there. I also was continuing to struggle with wanting to find a way to rid myself of 25lbs of weight I'd gained since I got married, that no amount of exercising seemed able to budge. Plus - bikes are great accessorizing opportunities.

So, while costuming Wizard of Oz, I walked into a gear trade in store and found Polly outside in the sale section. She's heavy, and slow, but she's sturdy and tough and pretty. And I started biking to work. Then to costume storage. Then to the post office, and the thrift stores, and the farmer's markets and then loaded her onto a bus and started making the loops around to my grocery stores...and finally - up to drop off alterations and down to the good bulk food store south of me. Now I consider a 25 mile loop a fairly easy ride - although, since she's not a speedster, it's a fairly nice half day trip. But this summer I wasn't in a show, and could get off work and spend the afternoon biking all over the place.

Now that the weather has turned, I miss the long days spent on the bike. I'm not enough of an uber biker to enjoy the rainy riding - and I'm back in the swing of theater for the year, so there's just too many days spent dashing from place to place. But spring will come again....and Polly and I will be back on the road!!!

4. Etsy



https://www.etsy.com/shop/Lachellybelly

My Etsy store has continued to grow in small increments. In this, my 2nd year, she's grown from "pocket money" to "gas and groceries." On the days that I've spent an entire 8 hours listing items, I've seen quite a serious increase in views and sales, and can see how this might become a bigger business if I decide to devote more time to the shop. For now, this is a nice venture growing at a nice pace for me - and I'm enjoying the process of making my store prettier, my photographs more polished, and my listings more styled. So far, I'm finding quite a bit of success in all of my categories, and will continue to sell a mix of vintage, handmade and eco-friendly items.

I've done several craft fairs and expos this year. I haven't had much success selling in person, but fellow vendors tell me that craft fairs take a bit of time - and that I should view each as a learning experience.

5. Costume Design:



This was a busy year Design-wise. Each year I try to work at one new venue. This past year, I had several new takers. Then, towards the end of the season, I was let go of a long-held resident designer-ship for reasons completely unrelated to job performance. This rather threw me for a week or so. But, as it turned out, the ensuing gaps in my calendar were all filled within a week, and more work became available than I could reasonably accomplish for the rest of my season. And then, the icing on the cake, one of the biggest theaters in town called and interviewed and hired me to costume design for their touring production. I've just begun there, and am so thrilled to have this huge new opportunity - that I have to say that the work I lost has been well replaced by more fulfilling work in better venues with more visibility. So, win-win. I've also been able to take on a few projects with colleagues that I enjoy, or favors for friends that are simply personally fulfilling. So, I look forward to a busy spring.

6. Acting:



This one has been difficult for a couple of seasons. Even though I was warned that all performance hits a wall at some point, I have had two seasons now of "rejections." With one HUGE exception. Playing Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd was quite simply the highlight of my year. It has been a dream role for me in a dream show. With a costar who was a joy to work with from beginning to end. I could not have asked for a better experience. It really was the best show ever.

Since then, I've been asked when I'll be appearing in something next. I honestly can't say. I've had quite a few callbacks, but nothing has materialized for quite some time. So, I'll keep on plugging away, and remember that no one ever said that a career as an actress would be easy or quick. Luckily, I have a lot of pursuits that keep me fulfilled as a human as I wait to see what will happen with this focus. In the meantime, the afterglow from Sweeney Todd will keep me going for quite a while.

7. Le Marriage:



Of course, the best part of any year is the gag-reflex inducing, adorable happiness that comes from being married to the right person. We're so cute it's disgusting, and it's only getting worse with time. I hate to be one of those #hashtag couples, but without gushing too much, it is satisfying. It is fun. It is good. It is comfortable. It is lovely. It is exciting, and frustrating, and amusing, and maddening - but I'm a better person for it, and I can't imagine my life any other way...

8. Compassion

Because I believe in giving secretly, I find it difficult to articulate how charitable endeavors without feeling humble-braggy. But really, as a huge extension of "Be The Change" - there are many ways to give back, and endless way to do so. I have found much personal satisfaction in feeling that I'm doing a bit to make the world a little better, both in the negative - by making my money "vote" for better stewardship of resources on the planet, and in the positive - by taking my surplus and trying to find ways to use it for the good of individuals.

Theater...and Waitressing....and painting every surface imaginable.

Life went from half-employed to full tilt in a matter of weeks.

I've been kind of cruising for about six months. While Funny Girl was running, I was too busy commuting to get a summer job, and worked on establishing my Etsy shop, instead. It was something I'd been wanting to do for quite some time. Alan's been well employed, and enjoying his day job, so it was time for me to get to take a breather.

I miss taking a breather.

Looking at the finances, with tax season approaching....health insurance to purchase...a root canal on the horizon...it became clear that my days of rest were over, and it was time to start putting out feelers for some summer waitressing. Costume Designing was coming off its Holiday hiatus as well, so things were generally looking up already....I sent out a few Craigslist replies, hoping that I'd be in the position to find a 'perfect' job for summer - either great pay, or good location, or stellar hours, or something....and then in January, I got an interview and was hired, and suddenly added 4 days of waitressing to my work week.

Don't get me wrong - it is all of the above: great location right down the street from my house, so no early-morning commute to downtown Seattle. Busy restaurant during the summer. Good pay overall when things pick up, and in the meantime - pay once per week, with the added bonus of tips being added to the paycheck - so taxed, and no ability to blow your cash the next day on makeup instead of being sensible and paying off credit cards with it. (PS - what little cash tips I do come home with is currently going towards makeup, which I've been out of - and having to dip into my stage makeup for basics while I waited. So, YAY! My sensitive skin issues already required me to wear makeup that wasn't from the grocery store - and now that I'm trying to limit the sheer volume of chemicals touching my skin, it's gotten even more expensive). The job is a great thing - but it's caused a jump in my productivity now that I'm limited to 3 working days for theater a week.

The Etsy shop is running well. I'm up to an average of a sale every 3 days, and it's bringing in "gas and groceries" money. Someday I hope I will be able to develop it into a mainline...

I put up two shows back to back this past week. The "easy one" - 6 costumes and a few accessories - wound up being a nightmare. The "difficult one" has actually been a lot of fun. I went to see the show last night, and there were a few more usage issues to fix - but overall the show is in good shape, looks beautiful, and the actors are wearing their clothes well. I knit myself a washcloth last night - during the show, with yarn pulled at random from my scrap bag - I'm calling it my Helen Keller washcloth.

Yesterday I had half of the day to "do nothing" so I painted my photo studio - IE - the wall on my porch that I photograph my items. The grey wood siding was a nice rustic background, but the rotting in places was getting hard to photograph around, so I mixed a grey to match the exterior paint on the house, and gave it a nice new non-shiny finish! I was so excited to get out and photograph a new set of washcloths this morning!

There are a few other gigs in the works, but I'm hesitant to take on more work, even for good money. This week has been a lot of long hours - which were easier to put in when I was starving, but now that I'm well fed, I just want to be at home puttering around and planting my winter garden. Which looks great, by the way! Look at all my little sprouting onions!!!

On new venues and new opportunities...

So, I have a shop on Etsy. I've been wanting to begin one for quite some time, but didn't have enough free time to devote to a new venture. This year, I finally got some!

Things have been going well so far, and I'm slowly adding views, sales and favorites each day. It's gone from an occasional sale to a rather steady trickle of sales. I think if I can keep working on my shop, adding more items, and upping the quality of my listings, I could eventually make this into something REAL-ish.

So, here's the shop! https://www.etsy.com/shop/Lachellybelly

Enjoy!

On Babies and Birth Control

I found something out last night that shook me a little.

I was reading a new blog (see below) and somewhere in the middle, as I trolled through old posts, was a discussion on birth control. It wasn't in the article itself, but in the comment thread someone stated that "the pill" is an abortifacient. I, of course, began researching. I've always been both pro-life and pro-choice. I believe that sex is a great thing, that shouldn't be shameful or mysterious. I believe that women should get to make decisions about their health, and whether or not they will get pregnant. I believe that my personal right to choose to get pregnant, ends once a pregnancy has begun and another life is at stake. Therefore, I am way pro-birth control, but anti-abortion.

I went on birth control just before I got married. I got my birth control though a clinic that offered mail order delivery with phone in consultations. I had to get a health screening before they would issue my prescription. I went to the website to look up my options. I was comfortable with the description of "the pill" as introducing a hormone that prevented ovulation. I read up a lot on the side effects. I was sent my first package.

My body did not like birth control. I started by trying to do the continuous cycle method - and that was a bust. I was nauseated for almost a year and spotting continuously. I gained loads of weight, either from the hormones, or trying to stave off the morning sickness. I read up on common reactions to my pill, and switched brands to another. The nausea left, finally, but the breakthrough bleeding continued. I went in for an annual exam and spoke with a nurse. She switched me to a higher dosage. The symptoms didn't get better, but I didn't get pregnant - so I figured the pills were doing their job, and it was the best it was going to be. I felt gross and bloated.

This past summer, doing my third run of a show that took me out of town, I asked my husband if he would mind if I went off birth control for a month. He was working a day job, I was out of town evenings and weekends, and it was just TOO HOT to be carrying 17 extra pounds around. He was alright with it, and I went off the pill. It was delicious. No more spotting, a real period, no constant bloated "pregnant" feeling. The weight didn't magically disappear, but I felt better in my body. I decided that I wanted to find an alternate method of birth control that didn't include hormones. With the help of a friend, I latched onto F.A.M (Fertility Awareness Method) of Natural Family Planning. I read a huge book. I take my temperature every morning before I get out of bed. Now I know what my body is doing and when, and when I can and can't get pregnant. For me, this was the best choice. The charting plays well with my OCD tendencies, and I feel good in my skin again. It can be a little annoying in the early stages to get used to the fact that one can't have sex just any old time, but there are fun things to do in the meantime. (Or like last month, when my body didn't give very clear indicators of ovulation - so we missed our window entirely - argh!)

As I did research into FAM, I had to deal with the repercussions of what birth control has been doing to my body for these past three+ years. The simple , immediate ones - that my body has to relearn how to cycle and that the mucous membranes were damaged, and I'm temporarily left without any visual signs of where I am in the cycle by the type of bodily fluids being produced. The longer-reaching ones - that there is evidence that the birth control hormones made me more susceptible to certain cancers. I was shocked when I found this out. I did research before I signed on. I've spoken to the staff at the clinic. NONE of these were mentioned as side effects. I felt that my right to an informed decision was violated. I am an educated woman, capable of making decisions, and I researched my choices to the best of the information I found at the time. When they were walking me down the list of side effects, and making sure that I knew how to use the pill properly each annual visit, why was this never mentioned even as a remote possibility?


I've now been off birth control for 6 months. I feel good about my decision, and I'm happier with the natural methods. They do work, they are equally effective (depending on which type you practice, and how well you stick to the rules) as hormonal birth control. This was the right choice for me. Today, even more so. Because of a comment on the blog I mentioned, I did a little more research via google into the pill. I was told that the pill prevents ovulation. I'm certain that's also what the websites on the pill stated, as did the various places I went to research the side effects over and over. I discovered yesterday from various sources that, yes, it mostly prevents ovulation...but it also inhibits sperm, changes the discharges to create an inhospitable environment for fertilization, and thins the uterine lining so that a fertilized egg cannot implant. As a "life begins from conception because I don't see any other obvious place along the continuum to start the clock" person, that's a kinda big difference. And I'm kind of a little thrown. Because...to me it's a very different thing to say that no eggs will be produced, ergo - no pregnancy. It's another thing entirely to know that there was even a chance that I could have been pregnant at any time, and the birth control prevented a fertilized egg from attaching. I, of course, have no proof that it happened. I can't do anything now if it did. But I've been in tears all day.

I don't want children. I've never been a "baby" person. I don't go gooey when a newborn is brought into a room. But I knew as a tween that even if I was raped I would bring a baby into the world, but give it up. (I don't fault anyone else for a different view on that one - I only know how I felt and still feel). If Alan and I have an "oops" we know we'd be fine parents. But I'm not ok carrying the knowledge that I didn't know enough, I didn't learn enough, I didn't investigate enough - and I might have unwittingly killed a baby.

All I can do is ask forgiveness if it happened, and move on with life. It's not like I can ever know. It feels wrong to be this upset about a "might have been." I stopped birth control half a year ago, and won't go back. But, I feel violated by the system that was supposed to be empowering my rights as a woman to make an informed choice about my reproductive health, and I'm hurting. As the comment said last night, there's a big difference between "almost never" and "cannot happen." That decimal of a percent is breaking my heart.

The End is Nigh!

I really thought that I was the only person who felt this way. As a child, and well into my adult life, I would get panic attacks in stores if I lost the people I was with, thinking that the Rapture had happened, and I missed it. I would wake up screaming from dreams where demons were chasing me, and then thinking I was awake only to find another one outside my window. Now, I read the Bible, but I skip Revelations. I don't really care anymore about the weird end-times fetish that is gripping us - except to remember that Jesus told me not to worry when people start proclaiming that "The End is Here." I found This Blog today, and feel I need to quote the whole article.

Silencing Chicken Little
In fundamentalism, the sky is always falling, the world is always ending and kids like me prayed apocalyptic bedtime prayers: Lord,
please no earthquakes, wars, famines or pestilence tonight. And please
don't leave me behind if my family gets raptured. Amen.

Fundamentalists like to read the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in
the other. When I was a kid, events both big and small foretold that
the end was near: the proliferation of credit cards, Gorbachev, the
year 1988, the first George Bush's "New World Order."

Remember
the public interest surrounding Y2K? Now multiply that by 1,000 and
you'll know what it felt like to be a fundamentalist in the months
leading up to New Year's Eve 1999.

Eschatology is the pet hobby
of fundamentalists. Nothing gets their blood pumping like a natural
disaster–or just the threat of one. It's also lucrative. You can make
bank by selling apocalyptic books. Or by making movies starring Kirk
Cameron.

When I was kid, we didn't have real Hollywood movie stars. But we did have our campy, quasi-horror flicks. One was called Thief In the Night and it scared me so badly that I had nightmares for years.

For
a few years after that movie, I would panic every time I lost sight of
my parents. I mean, most kids who lose sight of their parents in a
public place assume they're lost.

I assumed the rapture had happened and I'd been left behind.

As
a kid I was forever worrying about not being "counted worthy of escape"
because I might do something really, really bad. Like tell my sister to
"shut-up."

Herein lies the end-game of fundamentalism: a
deep-seated
insecurity. No matter how hard I tried I was never good enough. When I
failed, I believed God might disown me. The onus was always on the
individual to perform well as the pre-requisite for earning "rewards."

Heavenly
rewards were riches, mansions, streets of gold and new bodies. I think
the adults were pretty stoked about the whole new bodies thing. But being a
kid, I would have settled for a cessation to my nightmares. And maybe a
TV.

Of course, there were consequences for not performing well and these included being cast into outer darkness, weeping and gnashing of teeth.

In other words, the closest you could get to Hell without actually being in it.

When
I left fundamentalism, I had to unlearn the belief that love was
conditional. Up until that point I believed God loved everyone–except
that He loved certain people more. There were degrees to His love.

It
has taken some concerted effort to re-align my thinking with the truth:
I am God's child and He is pleased with me. He loves me. Period.

I
have stopped asking myself questions like: am I saved? Will I be
"counted worthy of escape"? Instead, I focus on the bountiful blessings
He has bestowed on my life. I practice gratitude and thanksgiving and
find beauty in imperfection. I try to overlook the faults and
shortcomings of others and emphasize their strengths.

Whenever
I'm tempted to default into all-or-nothing thinking, I use my mind to
objectively analyze what has triggered that reaction. Usually I can
think my way out of Chicken Little syndrome. When I get stuck, I have a
few go-to people whom I can rely on for a balanced perspective.

Ultimately the road out of fundamentalism has been a journey away from extremism and toward moderation.

I
realize now that recovery is not a straight road. There are bumps,
twists, turns and backwards steps. I still have a long way to go.

But at least I know one thing for sure: God holds my hand and He has promised never to let go.