I'm officially a bartender. How cool is that? Better pay, and I get to take home all of my tips. So far it's only once or twice a week, but every bit helps! People always look shocked when I talk about bartending and church in the same breath. (Isn't that kind of against your 'religion?') My conscience isn't bothered by it. Am I tempting people to excess? I don't know. Maybe I'll feel differently about this later, but for now...

Jesus was a bartender too

...ish.

At least, he brought drinks to the party...

I finished!

My cross stitch that I started three years ago and never finished....Well, I've finished the frame at least. I'm scrapping the design that is supposed to go in it, and putting a verse or poem or something in it instead. Words are much faster to embroider than anything else. Instant gratification. That's what we like.

In other news, I'm going to go home and put a third coat of paint on my chandelier....It's beginning to look very antique-y.

The aforementioned pug dog is at the spa having a massage.

Yes, they offer those.

There is a pug dog in the dining room with a plaid cape. Very dashing. For a pug.

Yesterday the chef brings a packet of papers to the front desk and wants me to type out the recipe for Bouillabaise. I did, and took the packet back to him. He said I was "the best." I replied that if I do much more secretarial work, I'm going to need a shorter skirt and higher heels. He was ok with that.

(Because I'm too lazy to write out the same updates twice)

Dear Dad,

Oh, puppies! Let mocha have puppies...And speaking of extra animals, on the off chance that I end up with a six month contract on a cruise ship, would you be interested (PLEASE) in adding my two to the menagerie. Cai is mainly an outdoor cat, and Chloe is no hassle. She just likes to sleep in a warm place. All day. Give it some thought. I would of course give a lump sum for their food and flea meds, and pay for any (hopefully none) vet visits. I don't want to give them away... Think about it.

I got a photo printer yesterday. And the grey cartrige. So now I can print out my headshots at home. I'm hoping the cost of the cartrige will outweigh the 7 bucks a pop I'm spending on each headshot. And I can print out my own pictures too.

I'm working on a video audition for the cruise line -- they won't let you audition in person until they've had one video from you. I'm not sure how that works. But I'll be sending that in early next week. I should hear back from PCPA in a week or two. And Disney Auditions are on the 2nd. I'm talking with Jonathan Wilde tonight about getting in touch of someone to make a demo. He's recorded several in town. I was overwhelmed. VC said I needed 10-12 songs to show a variety. I don't have that much practice time. But Jonathan says that most people he's worked with really want just 30 second excerpts from about three songs. Far more manageable. I can pop that out in no time. And speaking of Jonathan. He was supposed to be in a new production of The Count of Monte Christo this summer. He sent my resume packet into his casting director. She was interested in me, but the project fell through from lack of funding. He says she'd like to use me in future projects....I'm sort of at a loss of what to do with myself if PCPA doesn't want me for the summer season. Work, I suppose. And I'm hoping that the cruise line will want me for the fall. And if not that, auditions for Leavenworth's winter shows are in September. The next big cattle call audition set are in February. I missed most of them this year. Next year though, I'll be at them all.

Regardless of what happens, I'll need to move myself to an area that has more opportunities. LA, perhaps. There auditions are listed in the trade papers.

Oh, and I'm beginning my deluge of casting directors and agents now that I have a way to mass produce headshots. I'll send resumes to anyone who has an address listed. This is a tough business to break into!

So that's the news. I'll be quitting Fess Parkers at some point in the next month or so. Once the Alisal picks back up to summer schedule, I'm NOT going to be working 80 hours a week for 5 months. I barely made it 5 weeks. Maybe through April. And I picked up a housesitting job for the week of spring break that pays $20 a night. There's my bridesmaid's dress. Now I just have to set aside money for the shower...

Tonight is Fess Parkers night. Ed Ames has been making regular appearances, and his wife thinks I look like a Vargus Girl. I found pictures of "Varga Girls" at an antique shop yesterday. I hope it's a compliment! I usually wear more clothing than the average pinup...I don't know whether I'm going or not...It does get old sitting by yourself for two hours, waiting for a chance to sing...Sometimes I hang out behind the desk or something. I'm not cool enough to sit at the Big table yet. Bill really wants me to come. He says I'm easy to accompany...Because I don't pick music he can't play, and I'm on pitch and following a general tempo... We'll see.

I've had a little extra in my paycheck for decorating. My apartment looks so nice now that Drea moved out. Everything has it's own place, and I've been able to spread around some artwork and hang a few things. I bought a vintage pillow case and a chandelier yesterday. Wendy and I both had the day off and went antiquing in Ventura. There are a ton of shops there, and off the beaten path in Goleta. The chandelier needs paint, some crystals, and some beads, but it was only $40, and I think I can shabby chic it up nicely. There were some beautiful ones there that I couldn't afford...Even without real crystals. I saw some loose crystals and the los Alamos antique mall. Maybe I can buy them a few at a time to add. If Mom sees any nice crystals up there, have her pick them up. I like the teardrops and the long pointy ones. Tonight I'm going to paint it white, and maybe embellish the leafs as green, and the petals pink. We'll see how the white works.

And that's life. Work is picking up. Sleep is fleeting. And I have great calves these days from wearing heels at work...To match my great set of tray lifting arms. And to think some people pay loads of money for a personal trainer. All they have to do to look this great is kill themselves working. And another benefit is beautiful skin...I haven't seen sun since I stopped working the barbecues!

Love,


Rachel

Finally. It's one o'clock and the sun is shining. And I'm going to go in a few minutes and change from my front desk dignified and conservative persona into something more girl next door. Then I'm going to grab some chips and a pop, maybe a sandwitch and some kettle corn, and take my journal and a blanket to the park. It seems like that kind of day. A weary, nap in the park, warm-snuggle in the sun kind of day. If I knew what the weather was like south of me, it would be a loll on the sand by the water day. Should I take the chance?

I was going through my old beat up sermon notebook, transferring it to my new shiny Sermon/Prayer Requests Journal, and I found a sermon from a month or so ago that got me thinking.

I went to a church that is in the process of changing names. The sermon was on the importance God places on names, his own and other people's. I took his challenge and used my concordance to look up the word name. It's in there a lot!

The point of his sermon was that our names are not an accident. Even if our parents only chose them for the sound, God has given them special meaning unique to each of us. I'm not sure what I think about a divine mandate about my name, but then I remembered how in Perelandra Ransom's name was chosen before ransom was a word. Before his ancestors morphed their name from Ranolf's son. Before ransom mean to act as the redemption for someone else. (BTW, did anyone else go back and catch in Out of the Silent Planet that Lewis says the name Ransom is a pseudonym? Nitpick!)

So I bought a baby names book and looked mine up.

Rachel: (Hebrew) Ewe, Lamb of God, Innocent.
LeAnn (Either a combination of Leah and Hannah, or Lee and Hannah)
Leah: (Hebrew) Weary.
Lee: (Old English) Meadow
Hannah: (Hebrew) Full of Grace, Mercy, and Prayer.

I kind of like going with Leah over Lee, because then I have an all-biblical, Jewish women of faith sort of name....But then, it is a lot to live up to!

(Over at Marla's Musings she has a link to name origins and meanings...Go find your own names)

After Great Pain

After great pain, a formal feeling comes--

The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs--

The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,

And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The Feet, mechanical, go round--

Of Ground, or Air, or Ought--

A Wooden way

Regardless grown,

A Quartz contentment, like a stone--

This is the Hour of Lead--

Remembered, if outlived,

As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow--

First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--

~Emily Dickenson~

Tired again. Three days of double shifts in a row takes it out of you. How did I ever work five days through the holidays? I can't do this for too much longer...If I make it through the month-of-spring-breaks, maybe I can make it to May. After that I think all the EmergenC's and sleeping aids in the world won't be enough.

This has been a good year. A year of healing old wounds simply because I wasn't around the things that ripped them back open and made them bleed afresh. Sheer physical exhaustion is much to be preferred to mind and heart numbing depression and false hopes and never-quite-attained resignation. So I can't complain too much (though I do) about all of the working and too little sleeping. It's been a good year.