More Impressions
I've been here for almost 48 hours in Battambang. I did find my ride after all. She was the blonde girl talking to a stranger about not knowing what the girl she was picking up looked like. There was also a backwards RA I could read through her sign from where I was standing. We went back to Bangkok to the YWAM base there, and walked around the market all evening in an attempt by me to stay awake until bedtime. I found lots of pepsi for very cheap, and bought a hat and a pair of flip flops. Within an hour of landing I was sideways on the back of a hired moto in an attempt to locate some Yellow Curry (the only success we had was at a street vendor, and I didn't want to spend a 6 hour bus plus 2 hour taxi ride sick). We also ate pizza for Mollie, since she doesn't get western food very often. We had bread for breakfast, too, with jam. I like Bangkok. It's odd though -- very dirty, trash in the streets, dogs laying around everywhere, but everyone has a cell phone. The next day we spent running back and forth in the back of an open truck to the airport. We couldn't find Suzy and the desk said she wasn't on the flight. Back to Bangkok to sort things out by email with the Battambang base. Suzy was there after all. Then into the back of the rig for a 45 minute trip to the bus station. An interminable bus trip and then a border crossing in the dark. The bus station in a 6km drive by moto-taxi to the border. Our moto driver told us that the border was closed and we would have to stay at his friend's (it's always convenient here who has a friend or a brother who has just what you need) guest house. We yelled at him to go to the border anyway -- and after the slowest moto ride in history (normally they go like bats out of hell) including him making circles in the parking lot to stall for time, we arrived at the border with more than an hour to spare to get visas. One Thai man took charge of our suitcases (his friend has a taxi to Battambang) and we went through the border in very short time. Then a two hour taxi ride to the base. In the dark. Over rutted roads. Swerving into oncoming traffic to pass trucks filled to the bursting point with people. This is not phasing me anymore, but I only didn't get sick on that ride by the grace of God. Garth called Mollie to see if we wanted dinner when we got in -- I said I wouldn't know until I got there...and it would depend on if I could keep myself well for the rest of the drive.
Our days have been packed full. Yesterday we weren't required to go to any base activities if we didn't want to - a chance for us to get over jetlag. But since jetlag makes us wake early, we all went to church anyway since we had been up for hours. At about 3:30 am a Khmai funeral began, with chanting and music very loud over a speaker. Half an hour after that a wedding (which lasts for a day and a half) kicked things up a notch. Combine that with heat, roosters, something that sounds a bit like a cicada, we weren't sleeping much that morning. Church was very interesting. A short term missions team from Australia was at the foursquare church I attended with the other DTSers, so some of the service was in English. Some of the songs were originally in English, so we sang along, and songs with hand motions are universal. Then lunch. Ahhh. Cambodian food IS very similar to Thai - but they have things at different times in the day. For breakfast on sunday we had Ramen Noodles with chili sauce. For lunch we had fried eggs over rice. Dinner was meat and vegetables in sauce over rice. And with every meal there's the fruit. I've never liked tropical fruits -- but having them fresh and local makes all the difference. Today we had papaya. Who know I'd like papaya? I ate my own portion, and several other people's when the plates were being taken away. Last night was the youth center house party, so about 200 kids and lots of adults came on property for games, songs and treats. I met a young Khmai woman who teaches english and sunday school in the neighboring villages. She wants to attent a DTS someday, but it is very expensive, and her family can't lose her income for six months.
Today we began training in full. This morning for breakfast we had fried rice with sausage (SO good, even the resident former vegetarian loved the sausage). After breakfast we went to see the government orphanage and got peed on. We were in the infant room, and infants there don't wear diapers. When they pee you just wash them off and wrap more cloth around them. It was difficult for we westerners (I personally think God intended babies to be securely swathed in rubberwear) since they made puddles on the floor which were wiped up, and since we don't wear shoes indoors, we had no choice but to walk through it. I stayed clean, but about half of the people there that morning (from DTS and the new Outreach team from Kona) left with clothes needing a wash. I left halfway through to go watch the English classes being taught to the older kids. Mollie taught colors today. I talked to a Cambodian man who does a lot of translating for the kid functions. One kid shocked me. Running around with all the Khmai kids was a child with red hair, freckles and skin my color, but his features were Cambodia. It turns out he's an albino. Funny, in places with less foreigners, that's how I'll look to them. We went back to the base for an hour of Khmai lessions. I can now say hello, how are you, ask what is your name, and tell people where I'm from. My opera language training is coming in VERY handy. Lunch was excellent, too. Thin brothy soup with cabbage and onions. And PAPAYA! After lunch we had free time, which we mostly spent practicing our Khmai. Then some history and politics lessions. Now we have free time until dinner. Once I get done typing I've got to go to the street and hire a moto. I can only say one thing to get home -- "straight straight!" and I can say "slowly!!!"
This is an exprience. Our days are very full, but we have free time as well. This week is a wonderful chance to get to know the staff and our fellow DTSers before the Cambodians show up -- since we'll be the ones working very hard to learn the language and culture before the outreach phase starts. It's interesting at the dinner table to listen to conversations I've no way to understand, and know that in a few months, I'll be taking part in them.
Pray for me as I try to learn Khmai!
Monday, January 22, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
My first days abroad
My first days abroad
January 17, 11:44pm - Seatac Airport
It's so surreal. I had a glass of champagne at dinner, which only added to the effect. Now I'm so tired, while waiting to board the plane, that nothing seems real. I couldn't believe how many boxes of stuff (gifts) people were carting into the check-in line. Several suitcases and a few large moving boxes on each cart pp all labelled with Asian addresses. The family ahead of me through security had several children, all in denim jumpers, mom with outdated hairdo. My first thought was homeschool or missionary family - but one girl has a Samantha doll in her backpack.
The crew is boarding. Not much longer now. I'm so cold. I'm dressed for Asia, but Seattle is well below freezing. The flight attendants all wear purle and have short black hair. The announcements over the loudspeaker are first in Chinese. What an odd-sounding language - so obviously tonal. I can't wait to get on this plane, put on my sleep mask, wrap up in my blanket and sleep.
January 19th? - Somewhere over the Pacific
Oh gosh! What an uncomfortable flight. Both arms hurt which make finding a way to curl up and sleep very hard. Back home it's a little after 1pm on the 18th - the screen above our seats says its something like 5am in Taipei - which, by the way, is in Taiwan, not China. Shows you just how much research I've done for this trip.
As promised, I pulled out my blanket and pillow immediately upon embarking - and discovered that, actually, the under seat storage on this flight is much smaller than on a domestic flight - my backpack doesn't fit. Since there's no way I'm going to be left with nothing to do for 13 hours, I transfered everything out of the side pouches and forced it under with both feet.
I had just drifted off to the random shuffle of the ipod my sister lent me, when I awoke to my seatmate tapping my arm (Owwww!). 2:15am and they want to serve us breakfast. Unable to find my glasses I ordered blind, sleep mask shoved up my forehead. I ate my sausage, juice, and yogurt, then pulled my mask back down, covered myself head to toe in my blanket and the airline one, and curled up against the window. I slept for 8 hours I think. I'm now sure when we took off - be boarded the plane right at our departure time. We seem to be arriving only half an hour late. I know we didn't board that quickly. Sometime in this perpetual night (It's been dark the entire flight. 12 hours in I can just see the edge of dawn behind us), I looked out the window to see a small smattering of lights. An island? Maybe Hawaii, but it doesn't look like our flight plan went that far south.
They gave us hot wipes to wash our faces and hands before we went to sleep (right after breakfast, remember), then dimmed the lights. We were awoken around 9amPST to more hot wipes and chicken, rice, and hard liquor service. I can't figure out whose time this plane is operating under. Not Pacific coast, but not Taipei either.
I washed my face, put in contact and makeup, and amused myself with the contents of my backpack. I can't get to CS Lewis, who is lodged at the bottom. I played a bit of Sudoku and read the in-flight magazine. This one's funny: From my (forgive me) travel horoscope (only taken as seriously as a fortune cookie)...
1 hour to go. One. they all the joys of negotiating my way around a really international airport. Lord protect me -this is so odd. My mind is only working as far ahead as the next step. Endure the flight. Find the connecting gate. Pee. Board next flight. Get off in Bangkok. Then....!
Dawn is certainly growing behind us - the sun has finally caught up with us. the horizon is completely flat and circular around us. (Perhaps from the opposite side of the plane I could see land - or maybe an island) The magazines are all in Chinese, then Japanese, then English in very small print and poor grammar. Best movie review for "Following the sun under a Tuscan sky." Alright, I'm going to put everything away. the flight attendants are walking around handing out more free stuff. Even the wine and liquor and headphones are free.
January 19th - 9:35am/4:35pm January 18th. Taoyuan (Taiwan)
Ok. One international airport looks pretty much like another. Duty free. Seems rather more expensive than just buying the stuff outright, but maybe I'm not doing the conversions correctly. I went into a bookstore to see what they had - all Chinese (I'm guess ting) except for a few sci/fi books, and ironically enough - the complete set of the Chronicles of Narnia. it's cold int he airport. I took off my long underwear I've had under my skirt. I don't want to be confused with a Mormon missionary -- though reality isn't far from that. One more flight. the landing was bumpy, and only the man next to me talking helped me not be sick. He thought the deep yoga-learned breathing was fear. Nope, just battling nausea. When I told him where I was going he tried to talk me out of it. 'All people without contracts leave in one week.' If I got in trouble, he said, 'get a Chinese friend. Chinese government more powerful than U.S. Embassy.' Nice man - other than waking me up for the world's earliest breakfast.
that man from the last plane is waiting for this one, too. He's wearing a fuchsia long sleeved shirt and purple hat, and carrying a little mini-accordion strapped to his chest. 'Do you remember me?' he asks. Hard to forget. Gesture to his shirt and accordion. He wants to borrow some scissors from me (he saw me sewing on the last flight) but I put them in my suitcase. He played his accordion on the last flight. Trapped in a small space with someone playing accordion sounds like the Far Side version of hell. In my increasingly jet lagged state it made the whole thing feel like a French art film. Where is La Vie en Rose?
This is an international airport. There are a majority of Asian people, but lots of Westerners too. Our percentage is decreasing rapidly as the locals join us in the plane queue.
1:30 - Bangkok (actual time)
I'm in a foreign country. I can't find my ride. And I've lost my pen. I don't know why the pen and the ride are weighing in equally in my head. there are lots of people holding signs, none of them the illusive Molly. Taxi drivers galore would like to take me somewhere, but I wouldn't know where. For now I'll sit dutifully outside my disembarkation gate and hope she arrives soon. My numbness might wear off. And then I'll have to realize that I am lost. Alone. Halfway around the world...
January 17, 11:44pm - Seatac Airport
It's so surreal. I had a glass of champagne at dinner, which only added to the effect. Now I'm so tired, while waiting to board the plane, that nothing seems real. I couldn't believe how many boxes of stuff (gifts) people were carting into the check-in line. Several suitcases and a few large moving boxes on each cart pp all labelled with Asian addresses. The family ahead of me through security had several children, all in denim jumpers, mom with outdated hairdo. My first thought was homeschool or missionary family - but one girl has a Samantha doll in her backpack.
The crew is boarding. Not much longer now. I'm so cold. I'm dressed for Asia, but Seattle is well below freezing. The flight attendants all wear purle and have short black hair. The announcements over the loudspeaker are first in Chinese. What an odd-sounding language - so obviously tonal. I can't wait to get on this plane, put on my sleep mask, wrap up in my blanket and sleep.
January 19th? - Somewhere over the Pacific
Oh gosh! What an uncomfortable flight. Both arms hurt which make finding a way to curl up and sleep very hard. Back home it's a little after 1pm on the 18th - the screen above our seats says its something like 5am in Taipei - which, by the way, is in Taiwan, not China. Shows you just how much research I've done for this trip.
As promised, I pulled out my blanket and pillow immediately upon embarking - and discovered that, actually, the under seat storage on this flight is much smaller than on a domestic flight - my backpack doesn't fit. Since there's no way I'm going to be left with nothing to do for 13 hours, I transfered everything out of the side pouches and forced it under with both feet.
I had just drifted off to the random shuffle of the ipod my sister lent me, when I awoke to my seatmate tapping my arm (Owwww!). 2:15am and they want to serve us breakfast. Unable to find my glasses I ordered blind, sleep mask shoved up my forehead. I ate my sausage, juice, and yogurt, then pulled my mask back down, covered myself head to toe in my blanket and the airline one, and curled up against the window. I slept for 8 hours I think. I'm now sure when we took off - be boarded the plane right at our departure time. We seem to be arriving only half an hour late. I know we didn't board that quickly. Sometime in this perpetual night (It's been dark the entire flight. 12 hours in I can just see the edge of dawn behind us), I looked out the window to see a small smattering of lights. An island? Maybe Hawaii, but it doesn't look like our flight plan went that far south.
They gave us hot wipes to wash our faces and hands before we went to sleep (right after breakfast, remember), then dimmed the lights. We were awoken around 9amPST to more hot wipes and chicken, rice, and hard liquor service. I can't figure out whose time this plane is operating under. Not Pacific coast, but not Taipei either.
I washed my face, put in contact and makeup, and amused myself with the contents of my backpack. I can't get to CS Lewis, who is lodged at the bottom. I played a bit of Sudoku and read the in-flight magazine. This one's funny: From my (forgive me) travel horoscope (only taken as seriously as a fortune cookie)...
"Travel plans have a tendency to arise rather suddenly at this time. You will get most pleasure from spontaneous excursions. Personal money matters and anything that my have an effect on your treasured possessions comes up for discussion."Huh. No kidding.
1 hour to go. One. they all the joys of negotiating my way around a really international airport. Lord protect me -this is so odd. My mind is only working as far ahead as the next step. Endure the flight. Find the connecting gate. Pee. Board next flight. Get off in Bangkok. Then....!
Dawn is certainly growing behind us - the sun has finally caught up with us. the horizon is completely flat and circular around us. (Perhaps from the opposite side of the plane I could see land - or maybe an island) The magazines are all in Chinese, then Japanese, then English in very small print and poor grammar. Best movie review for "Following the sun under a Tuscan sky." Alright, I'm going to put everything away. the flight attendants are walking around handing out more free stuff. Even the wine and liquor and headphones are free.
January 19th - 9:35am/4:35pm January 18th. Taoyuan (Taiwan)
Ok. One international airport looks pretty much like another. Duty free. Seems rather more expensive than just buying the stuff outright, but maybe I'm not doing the conversions correctly. I went into a bookstore to see what they had - all Chinese (I'm guess ting) except for a few sci/fi books, and ironically enough - the complete set of the Chronicles of Narnia. it's cold int he airport. I took off my long underwear I've had under my skirt. I don't want to be confused with a Mormon missionary -- though reality isn't far from that. One more flight. the landing was bumpy, and only the man next to me talking helped me not be sick. He thought the deep yoga-learned breathing was fear. Nope, just battling nausea. When I told him where I was going he tried to talk me out of it. 'All people without contracts leave in one week.' If I got in trouble, he said, 'get a Chinese friend. Chinese government more powerful than U.S. Embassy.' Nice man - other than waking me up for the world's earliest breakfast.
that man from the last plane is waiting for this one, too. He's wearing a fuchsia long sleeved shirt and purple hat, and carrying a little mini-accordion strapped to his chest. 'Do you remember me?' he asks. Hard to forget. Gesture to his shirt and accordion. He wants to borrow some scissors from me (he saw me sewing on the last flight) but I put them in my suitcase. He played his accordion on the last flight. Trapped in a small space with someone playing accordion sounds like the Far Side version of hell. In my increasingly jet lagged state it made the whole thing feel like a French art film. Where is La Vie en Rose?
This is an international airport. There are a majority of Asian people, but lots of Westerners too. Our percentage is decreasing rapidly as the locals join us in the plane queue.
1:30 - Bangkok (actual time)
I'm in a foreign country. I can't find my ride. And I've lost my pen. I don't know why the pen and the ride are weighing in equally in my head. there are lots of people holding signs, none of them the illusive Molly. Taxi drivers galore would like to take me somewhere, but I wouldn't know where. For now I'll sit dutifully outside my disembarkation gate and hope she arrives soon. My numbness might wear off. And then I'll have to realize that I am lost. Alone. Halfway around the world...
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Shopping for Maternity Clothes and other adventures
Yesterday and today I did my trip shopping. My mission -- to find cute clothing that is easily washable, able to get dirty, but still "nice" - because Cambodian people dress as nicely as they can, so unless we're scrubbing something down, we're to look well. With today's trend for tiny tees, I had difficulty finding anything that didn't fall under the "not too short, too tight, and sleeveless" restriction. The brainwave came in the maternity department -- here were an assortment of shirts that were cute but loose. I found several knit shirts there. Today at Tar-jey my mother supplied a zip up hooded sweatshirt and several plain, round necked, short sleeved t-shirts for work days, two sizes larger than I normally wear. This trip I'm going for plain colors. On tour I got very tired of my logos, slogans, cute pictures and PURPLE (my wear-with-everything sweatshirt was of Husky origen)every day of the week.
Today I went to all three services to present my mission trip to the general congregation. I don't know how it went, monetarily -- the church will let me know soon. I do have several people who agreed to be on my prayer team mailing list, and several who said they'd pray even without the emails. Tuesday is the Mission Board Meeting.
Now I'm prancing around making sure every item in my suitcase can be worn with several other items, and nothing is too tight, low, short sleeved, shows too much leg, etc. So far so good. Only three shirts didn't pass muster.
Other major discovery: my hair can be pulled into pigtails.
That's all the news for today. Tonight is Flogamockers for the last time before I leave.
Thanks to all who have offered your support. I couldn't do it without you...
Yesterday and today I did my trip shopping. My mission -- to find cute clothing that is easily washable, able to get dirty, but still "nice" - because Cambodian people dress as nicely as they can, so unless we're scrubbing something down, we're to look well. With today's trend for tiny tees, I had difficulty finding anything that didn't fall under the "not too short, too tight, and sleeveless" restriction. The brainwave came in the maternity department -- here were an assortment of shirts that were cute but loose. I found several knit shirts there. Today at Tar-jey my mother supplied a zip up hooded sweatshirt and several plain, round necked, short sleeved t-shirts for work days, two sizes larger than I normally wear. This trip I'm going for plain colors. On tour I got very tired of my logos, slogans, cute pictures and PURPLE (my wear-with-everything sweatshirt was of Husky origen)every day of the week.
Today I went to all three services to present my mission trip to the general congregation. I don't know how it went, monetarily -- the church will let me know soon. I do have several people who agreed to be on my prayer team mailing list, and several who said they'd pray even without the emails. Tuesday is the Mission Board Meeting.
Now I'm prancing around making sure every item in my suitcase can be worn with several other items, and nothing is too tight, low, short sleeved, shows too much leg, etc. So far so good. Only three shirts didn't pass muster.
Other major discovery: my hair can be pulled into pigtails.
That's all the news for today. Tonight is Flogamockers for the last time before I leave.
Thanks to all who have offered your support. I couldn't do it without you...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Getting ready to go
I'm half-packed. The minor to do list is mounting, but the major to-dos are all accomplished. Yesterday I spent all day running around. Mom took me shopping for a few things at the thrift stores and the all-important Costco for those items I cannot restock in Cambodia.
Today I had a small group meeting from 11-3, then an appointment for a family to come look at Chloe. Just when I was about to cry again that I'm going to find her a stationary home (because she doesn't like being left alone, and is terrible with change, dogs, children, and moving), Kathy remembered her Mom's friend whose cat died and she really wants an affectionate cat for company. Perfect. Better at least than the couple with two little kids, and the animal rescue person who both answered my ad. And, if/when something happens to this lady, she wanted to know if I would like to take her back. That makes me feel better -- knowing that while my life is still completely up in the air she'll have a good home, but maybe someday I can have her back...
I've called my insurance company to cancel/lessen my auto coverage. I received two checks in the mail along with a letter from my sponsor child and a few bills. I have a birthday party in an hour, Flogamockers tonight, and then it's tomorrow already.
So, I'm off to eat (it might be for the first time today -- can't remember) something. Then wrap a present and head to Cowichee.
Today I had a small group meeting from 11-3, then an appointment for a family to come look at Chloe. Just when I was about to cry again that I'm going to find her a stationary home (because she doesn't like being left alone, and is terrible with change, dogs, children, and moving), Kathy remembered her Mom's friend whose cat died and she really wants an affectionate cat for company. Perfect. Better at least than the couple with two little kids, and the animal rescue person who both answered my ad. And, if/when something happens to this lady, she wanted to know if I would like to take her back. That makes me feel better -- knowing that while my life is still completely up in the air she'll have a good home, but maybe someday I can have her back...
I've called my insurance company to cancel/lessen my auto coverage. I received two checks in the mail along with a letter from my sponsor child and a few bills. I have a birthday party in an hour, Flogamockers tonight, and then it's tomorrow already.
So, I'm off to eat (it might be for the first time today -- can't remember) something. Then wrap a present and head to Cowichee.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
A low key day
After several days of running errands, making phone calls, checking info online, doing research, cleaning, packing, and doing laundry, today is very low key. I've showered, put together a little scrapbook to take with me, and pasted some photos into my Bible. Tonight I have my last praise and worship band rehearsal for Sunday. Tomorrow I have to get my taxes done, go to my consignment store to get the clothes I need, then go shopping for a few things with Mom.
Thank God for one calm day.
Thank God for one calm day.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Wow. Only 48 hours. I'm in shock, the to do list is mounting, but the big stuff is all covered. At least as far as appointments go. My suitcase is partially packed on my living room floor. After several go arounds with a plastic trash bag, a shop vac, and my sleeping bag, I finally figured out how to suck all the air out of it and keep it that way. My sleeping bag and pillow are little flattened wrinkly rectangles at the bottom of my suitcase.
Mom and I went shopping today for a few things ... mending kit, pajama bottoms, sleep mask, and sudoko puzzles and a few books for the flight. Since Wycliffe, I have most of what I need already. A few toiletries I'm out of anyway, enough personal products for six months (the only things difficult to find there), and some warm weather clothes, that I'm trading some of my wardrobe for at my favorite thrift/consignment store on friday. All's just about ready. Some taxes, a few arrangements.
What I'm waiting for is Sunday, when my mission trip is presented to the congregation. Most of my 'extra' funding needs to come in that day. I'm nervous. It's a generous church, but I'm depending on them for almost everything. And it's so hard to ask. Then a few more days at home, missions meeting Tuesday morning, vaccinations Wednesday, Dad's birthday dinner in Seattle, and then everyone drops me off at the airport.
So that's the update. My main way of communicating once I'm there will be this blog. There's an internet cafe not far from base, so I'll (hopefully) have plenty of chances to stay in touch, at least for the first three months. Mail will be an option as well, for those that want to send me letters, I'll have an address available once I'm there.
And I'm off to "do stuff." Ciao.
Mom and I went shopping today for a few things ... mending kit, pajama bottoms, sleep mask, and sudoko puzzles and a few books for the flight. Since Wycliffe, I have most of what I need already. A few toiletries I'm out of anyway, enough personal products for six months (the only things difficult to find there), and some warm weather clothes, that I'm trading some of my wardrobe for at my favorite thrift/consignment store on friday. All's just about ready. Some taxes, a few arrangements.
What I'm waiting for is Sunday, when my mission trip is presented to the congregation. Most of my 'extra' funding needs to come in that day. I'm nervous. It's a generous church, but I'm depending on them for almost everything. And it's so hard to ask. Then a few more days at home, missions meeting Tuesday morning, vaccinations Wednesday, Dad's birthday dinner in Seattle, and then everyone drops me off at the airport.
So that's the update. My main way of communicating once I'm there will be this blog. There's an internet cafe not far from base, so I'll (hopefully) have plenty of chances to stay in touch, at least for the first three months. Mail will be an option as well, for those that want to send me letters, I'll have an address available once I'm there.
And I'm off to "do stuff." Ciao.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
YWAM-Cambodia
Well, everybody, as I said yesterday I was accepted to the Youth With a Mission - Battambang, Cambodia program. My flight leaves on the 20th of January, and I'll return the 29th of July.
The program begins with three months of classes and training in discipleship, learning to listen for God's voice, learning your strengths and weaknesses, what He wants you to do with your talents, and of course, how to share him in an exciting way with others. During the training we'll be doing volunteer work at the community center - where they offer classes in English, Guitar, Sewing, Bible, and also at a hospital and an orphanage. Then we'll spend 8 weeks going out into Cambodia to do work and outreach.
I've somewhere between excitement and blind panic. I literally found out that I'm going as of yesterday. This is going to be a very changing experience, and I'm afraid/excited that I'm going to come back very different, and with many priorities changed. Hopefully, I'll also know God better at the end of the six months.
This is very last minute, and I'm struggling to raise the money I need. My church mission team has generously offered to cover my school costs, and several family members and friends have also contributed. The church may also take a special offering for my plane fare, but the pastor recommended that I show that I've asked literally everyone I know for help. So here's another attempt. If any of my friends out there want to sponsor a short term missions trip, please comment or email me and I'll send you my information.
Thanks!
The program begins with three months of classes and training in discipleship, learning to listen for God's voice, learning your strengths and weaknesses, what He wants you to do with your talents, and of course, how to share him in an exciting way with others. During the training we'll be doing volunteer work at the community center - where they offer classes in English, Guitar, Sewing, Bible, and also at a hospital and an orphanage. Then we'll spend 8 weeks going out into Cambodia to do work and outreach.
I've somewhere between excitement and blind panic. I literally found out that I'm going as of yesterday. This is going to be a very changing experience, and I'm afraid/excited that I'm going to come back very different, and with many priorities changed. Hopefully, I'll also know God better at the end of the six months.
This is very last minute, and I'm struggling to raise the money I need. My church mission team has generously offered to cover my school costs, and several family members and friends have also contributed. The church may also take a special offering for my plane fare, but the pastor recommended that I show that I've asked literally everyone I know for help. So here's another attempt. If any of my friends out there want to sponsor a short term missions trip, please comment or email me and I'll send you my information.
Thanks!
Friday, January 05, 2007
The Screwtape Letters
The Screwtape Letters
“You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies until every human being becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God.”
John Milton: The Devil’s Advocate
Free will: the gift and curse of humanity. Through free will we can fully experience God because we are given the option not to. Likewise, through free will we are allowed to craft our lives in any manner of our choosing, even if the end result resembles Hell. “The possibility of this wrong preference is inherent in the very fact of having a being, a self at all…Every conscious agent in finally committed in the long run; i.e. it rises above freedom into willed, but henceforth unalterable, union with God, or else sinks below freedom into the black fire of self-imprisonment.”1 The Great Divorce shows us the aftereffect of this choosing – stripping away the outward trappings and revealing the soul as it really is. In The Screwtape Letters we witness the process. Our choices are not simply dependent on ourselves. Powers and principalities exist that aim to help and hinder. Because of free will a person cannot be forced to act, but their own desires and inclinations can be magnified to influence a person’s decisions. Both sides have the same goal in mind – to encourage a person to “be themselves.” To the ‘angels, archangels, and the blessed company of all faithful people’ this means the relinquishing of the lesser self to regain self redeemed. To spirits ‘masquerading as angels of light’ this means the twisting of the fallen self into an unrecognizable and unredeemable horror.
Before examining Screwtape and Wormwood’s method of using free will to their advantage, let’s first look at another great fictional temptation; The Devil’s Advocate. Lewis says that “every choice reduces a little one’s freed to choose the next time.”2 Enter Kevin Lomax, a criminal defense lawyer. The Devil (under the alias John Milton) tells us the key to temptation; “If at all possible, mask it as something else…they never see me coming.”3 Milton begins by using the simple comments of others to enflame Kevin’s ego. In the guise of a local reporter, Milton encourages Kevin to choose his flawless record over the truth. He is approached by Milton’s firm and slowly flattered into slightly more ambiguous and finally evil clientel. His integrity slides further with each subsequent case. Kevin is “just doing his job.” His wife begs for some of his time, but Kevin is“doing this for her. When his wife is admitted to the hospital, he tells Milton that if he chooses her over the “case of a lifetime” he will resent her for it. Each choice seems small in itself - a little selfishness, some justification, some buried evidence and a convenient blind eye. Finally Kevin discovers that he’s cast his lot with the Devil and can’t recall how he got there. He tells Milton that he was tricked, exploited, and nothing is his fault. Milton retorts, “I’m no puppeteer, Kevin. I don’t make things happen. Doesn’t work like that…I only set the stage. You pull the strings.” Milton reveals hell’s battle strategy: sharpen human appetites, build egos, increase technology so every whim can be instantly satisfied, build up dreams and fantasies until each person becomes his own God. Milton doesn’t need to go to great lengths to tempt people, he needs only to encourage them to pursue their own self-interest. “What do I want?” he asks Kevin, “I want you to be yourself!”
Screwtape and Wormwood use similar tactics to Milton, but more subtly. They take advantage of the fact the God holds himself back from any revealing of Himself which would negate free will; “He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning… But he never allows this state of affairs to last long.”4 In a letter to Authur Greeves, Lewis supported his view that God chose to give us freedom even knowing that it could lead to sin:5 “he thought Freedom worth creating even at that price. It is like when mother allows a small child to walk on its own instead of holding it by her hand. She knows it may fall but learning to walk on one’s own is worth a few falls.”6 It also allows Screwtape and Wormwood to work at the patient almost without interruption, and they have developed many techniques to ensure their success. They mask the patient’s ability to see his self as he truly is and build up a false image in its place. Instead of self-reflection the patient is watching a drama. They cannot keep him from thinking lofty thoughts, but they may be able to distract him with lunch. They encourage the patient to excuse bad behavior by extenuating circumstances. He is not to afford the same excuses for others. If they cannot keep him from the church, they will bring forward all of his golden pictures of martyrs, togas and lions, in sharp contrast to the people actually sitting around him. They can stroke his vanity and at the same time surround him with superficial and worldly friends by letting him imagine that he is “doing these people ‘good’ by the mere fact of drinking their cocktails and laughing at their jokes.”7 Since all pure enjoyment (even non-religious) can lead to an experience of the Numinous, Screwtape advises Wormwood to try to encourage the patient to activities that he will not enjoy, but will gain him general admiration. They draw attention to virtues and encourage pride. They take the secondary benefits of Christianity, such as charity or political consciousness and make it the “most important part” of the religion. Then they go a step farther and make Christianity important only insofar as it supports their political agenda. In the end Milton, Screwtape and Wormwood work use the same primary sin to their advantage. As Milton says, “Vanity. My favorite sin.” Every temptation is based on our own vanity, or pride. All our basest desires: everything we do to ‘fit in,’ false humilty, exaggerated religiosity, refraining from truth out of fear, and the desire to impress; are based in vanity. As fallen creatures even our higher emotions are tainted and open to exploitation. We give charity from a desire to be thought well of (thus Christ’s admonition to give in secret). Even love may be exploited. As the Lady says in The Great Divorce, “What we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved.”8 And even when we are not strictly sinning, we run the risk of echoing the original sin, “not of choosing some evil thing, but in preferring a lesser good …before a greater.”9
The key to modern temptation is to make us unaware that it is occurring. That is what Lewis calls catering to the Spirit of the Age. In our age it is easy for temptation to pass unnoticed in all of the noise, chaos, and complication. We are surrounded by information, and accustomed to have new studies, surveys and opinions presented which are disproved almost daily. We don’t search for truth, but ideas, all of which may be thrown aside at the next bit of research. We are constantly bombarded by television, radio, traffic noise, and music. We spend our time dulled by a commute, work a mind numbing day in front of a computer screen, and then while away our free hours in front of the television or on the internet. In the midst of the flashy and ever-changing, we aren’t to notice that we are being asked to make choices, letting them be made for us by ‘public opinion.’
It is easy to see why Lewis was hesitant to revisit Screwtape Letters after writing it. While Screwtape offers an insightful glimpse into the myriad ways Christians can be tripped up, if read outside the context of Lewis’ other writings it presents a pretty bleak picture. No matter how hard the patient tries to improve his-self, and how many ways he grows, he is constantly tested. Until he is freed by a falling bomb, in nearly every temptation he comes out badly. A new test is at hand if he even feels proud about passing the last one. The missing piece that makes triumph out of our failure is, of course, Grace (Which from Screwtape’s perspective, is only mentioned in the patient’s conversion and untimely death). By the Grace of God we are free from all of these failings and temptations, not because we will not have to undergo them, but because ultimately it doesn’t matter. We cannot possibly be aware of every one of the thousands of ways we may have fallen short in the space of a day. We will never be as charitable as we ought, or patient, or kind, longsuffering, and all the rest. This doesn’t mean that these things aren’t important. We aren’t to “sin…so that grace abound[s] all the more”10 but we can be happy in the knowledge that the debt has already been paid for all of these sins. Though we are to become more like God with every choice we make, we can rest easy because a misstep does not negate our salvation. We will never be perfect, but we can strive for perfection. We may never be what we might have been had the fall not occurred (sheer speculation in what the Green Lady would call an “alongside world”), but by Grace we will “throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles us”11 and finally, in the end, become our true selves.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II: Books, Broadcasts, and the War 1931-1949. Edited by Walter Hooper. (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2004), 585
2. Ibid., 585.
3. The Devil’s Advocate.
4. C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters (San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1942), 40.
5. It is worth noting that Lewis contradicts his own theology in this letter. In many works and letters it is quite clear that Lewis believes that God exists out of time, and thus sees all things happening at once in a constant “present.” To say that He grants freedom though it “could lead …to sin” is a notion he flatly denies in both The Problem of Pain and The Screwtape Letters. In The Problem With Pain, Lewis asserts that God did not choose free will as the best of available options, but as the only possibility. Screwtape assures Wormwood that God created the world clearly seeing an incident involving a cross. It is an interesting choice of words by Lewis, given how late in his writing career that letter was sent.
6. The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II: Books, Broadcasts, and the War, 1931-1949. Edited by Walter Hooper. (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2004), 956.
7. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, 52.
8. C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce (San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1946), 125.
9. The Collected Letters, 585
10. Romans 5:20, NIV (New International Version)
11. Hebrews 12:1, NIV (New International Version)
“You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies until every human being becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God.”
John Milton: The Devil’s Advocate
Free will: the gift and curse of humanity. Through free will we can fully experience God because we are given the option not to. Likewise, through free will we are allowed to craft our lives in any manner of our choosing, even if the end result resembles Hell. “The possibility of this wrong preference is inherent in the very fact of having a being, a self at all…Every conscious agent in finally committed in the long run; i.e. it rises above freedom into willed, but henceforth unalterable, union with God, or else sinks below freedom into the black fire of self-imprisonment.”1 The Great Divorce shows us the aftereffect of this choosing – stripping away the outward trappings and revealing the soul as it really is. In The Screwtape Letters we witness the process. Our choices are not simply dependent on ourselves. Powers and principalities exist that aim to help and hinder. Because of free will a person cannot be forced to act, but their own desires and inclinations can be magnified to influence a person’s decisions. Both sides have the same goal in mind – to encourage a person to “be themselves.” To the ‘angels, archangels, and the blessed company of all faithful people’ this means the relinquishing of the lesser self to regain self redeemed. To spirits ‘masquerading as angels of light’ this means the twisting of the fallen self into an unrecognizable and unredeemable horror.
Before examining Screwtape and Wormwood’s method of using free will to their advantage, let’s first look at another great fictional temptation; The Devil’s Advocate. Lewis says that “every choice reduces a little one’s freed to choose the next time.”2 Enter Kevin Lomax, a criminal defense lawyer. The Devil (under the alias John Milton) tells us the key to temptation; “If at all possible, mask it as something else…they never see me coming.”3 Milton begins by using the simple comments of others to enflame Kevin’s ego. In the guise of a local reporter, Milton encourages Kevin to choose his flawless record over the truth. He is approached by Milton’s firm and slowly flattered into slightly more ambiguous and finally evil clientel. His integrity slides further with each subsequent case. Kevin is “just doing his job.” His wife begs for some of his time, but Kevin is“doing this for her. When his wife is admitted to the hospital, he tells Milton that if he chooses her over the “case of a lifetime” he will resent her for it. Each choice seems small in itself - a little selfishness, some justification, some buried evidence and a convenient blind eye. Finally Kevin discovers that he’s cast his lot with the Devil and can’t recall how he got there. He tells Milton that he was tricked, exploited, and nothing is his fault. Milton retorts, “I’m no puppeteer, Kevin. I don’t make things happen. Doesn’t work like that…I only set the stage. You pull the strings.” Milton reveals hell’s battle strategy: sharpen human appetites, build egos, increase technology so every whim can be instantly satisfied, build up dreams and fantasies until each person becomes his own God. Milton doesn’t need to go to great lengths to tempt people, he needs only to encourage them to pursue their own self-interest. “What do I want?” he asks Kevin, “I want you to be yourself!”
Screwtape and Wormwood use similar tactics to Milton, but more subtly. They take advantage of the fact the God holds himself back from any revealing of Himself which would negate free will; “He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning… But he never allows this state of affairs to last long.”4 In a letter to Authur Greeves, Lewis supported his view that God chose to give us freedom even knowing that it could lead to sin:5 “he thought Freedom worth creating even at that price. It is like when mother allows a small child to walk on its own instead of holding it by her hand. She knows it may fall but learning to walk on one’s own is worth a few falls.”6 It also allows Screwtape and Wormwood to work at the patient almost without interruption, and they have developed many techniques to ensure their success. They mask the patient’s ability to see his self as he truly is and build up a false image in its place. Instead of self-reflection the patient is watching a drama. They cannot keep him from thinking lofty thoughts, but they may be able to distract him with lunch. They encourage the patient to excuse bad behavior by extenuating circumstances. He is not to afford the same excuses for others. If they cannot keep him from the church, they will bring forward all of his golden pictures of martyrs, togas and lions, in sharp contrast to the people actually sitting around him. They can stroke his vanity and at the same time surround him with superficial and worldly friends by letting him imagine that he is “doing these people ‘good’ by the mere fact of drinking their cocktails and laughing at their jokes.”7 Since all pure enjoyment (even non-religious) can lead to an experience of the Numinous, Screwtape advises Wormwood to try to encourage the patient to activities that he will not enjoy, but will gain him general admiration. They draw attention to virtues and encourage pride. They take the secondary benefits of Christianity, such as charity or political consciousness and make it the “most important part” of the religion. Then they go a step farther and make Christianity important only insofar as it supports their political agenda. In the end Milton, Screwtape and Wormwood work use the same primary sin to their advantage. As Milton says, “Vanity. My favorite sin.” Every temptation is based on our own vanity, or pride. All our basest desires: everything we do to ‘fit in,’ false humilty, exaggerated religiosity, refraining from truth out of fear, and the desire to impress; are based in vanity. As fallen creatures even our higher emotions are tainted and open to exploitation. We give charity from a desire to be thought well of (thus Christ’s admonition to give in secret). Even love may be exploited. As the Lady says in The Great Divorce, “What we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved.”8 And even when we are not strictly sinning, we run the risk of echoing the original sin, “not of choosing some evil thing, but in preferring a lesser good …before a greater.”9
The key to modern temptation is to make us unaware that it is occurring. That is what Lewis calls catering to the Spirit of the Age. In our age it is easy for temptation to pass unnoticed in all of the noise, chaos, and complication. We are surrounded by information, and accustomed to have new studies, surveys and opinions presented which are disproved almost daily. We don’t search for truth, but ideas, all of which may be thrown aside at the next bit of research. We are constantly bombarded by television, radio, traffic noise, and music. We spend our time dulled by a commute, work a mind numbing day in front of a computer screen, and then while away our free hours in front of the television or on the internet. In the midst of the flashy and ever-changing, we aren’t to notice that we are being asked to make choices, letting them be made for us by ‘public opinion.’
It is easy to see why Lewis was hesitant to revisit Screwtape Letters after writing it. While Screwtape offers an insightful glimpse into the myriad ways Christians can be tripped up, if read outside the context of Lewis’ other writings it presents a pretty bleak picture. No matter how hard the patient tries to improve his-self, and how many ways he grows, he is constantly tested. Until he is freed by a falling bomb, in nearly every temptation he comes out badly. A new test is at hand if he even feels proud about passing the last one. The missing piece that makes triumph out of our failure is, of course, Grace (Which from Screwtape’s perspective, is only mentioned in the patient’s conversion and untimely death). By the Grace of God we are free from all of these failings and temptations, not because we will not have to undergo them, but because ultimately it doesn’t matter. We cannot possibly be aware of every one of the thousands of ways we may have fallen short in the space of a day. We will never be as charitable as we ought, or patient, or kind, longsuffering, and all the rest. This doesn’t mean that these things aren’t important. We aren’t to “sin…so that grace abound[s] all the more”10 but we can be happy in the knowledge that the debt has already been paid for all of these sins. Though we are to become more like God with every choice we make, we can rest easy because a misstep does not negate our salvation. We will never be perfect, but we can strive for perfection. We may never be what we might have been had the fall not occurred (sheer speculation in what the Green Lady would call an “alongside world”), but by Grace we will “throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles us”11 and finally, in the end, become our true selves.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II: Books, Broadcasts, and the War 1931-1949. Edited by Walter Hooper. (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2004), 585
2. Ibid., 585.
3. The Devil’s Advocate.
4. C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters (San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1942), 40.
5. It is worth noting that Lewis contradicts his own theology in this letter. In many works and letters it is quite clear that Lewis believes that God exists out of time, and thus sees all things happening at once in a constant “present.” To say that He grants freedom though it “could lead …to sin” is a notion he flatly denies in both The Problem of Pain and The Screwtape Letters. In The Problem With Pain, Lewis asserts that God did not choose free will as the best of available options, but as the only possibility. Screwtape assures Wormwood that God created the world clearly seeing an incident involving a cross. It is an interesting choice of words by Lewis, given how late in his writing career that letter was sent.
6. The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II: Books, Broadcasts, and the War, 1931-1949. Edited by Walter Hooper. (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2004), 956.
7. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, 52.
8. C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce (San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1946), 125.
9. The Collected Letters, 585
10. Romans 5:20, NIV (New International Version)
11. Hebrews 12:1, NIV (New International Version)
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Waiting, still waiting to find out what I'll be doing this month. One application for a job in the United Kingdom was rejected -they don't accept applications unless one already has a work permit. The second job is waiting for a response. The third option I'm waiting on - hoping the "option" will become a reality.
I want option number 3 so badly, but it's going to be very difficult to pull it together in only a few weeks. And I'm still halfway through a class. Going well. Good grades on my first two papers. Stalled badly on my Screwtape Letters paper.
I'll let you know everything as soon as I know!
I want option number 3 so badly, but it's going to be very difficult to pull it together in only a few weeks. And I'm still halfway through a class. Going well. Good grades on my first two papers. Stalled badly on my Screwtape Letters paper.
I'll let you know everything as soon as I know!
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